Digital Interview with Ryan Werner Conducted by English Faculty Member, October 2012

1) What year did you graduate and what was your area of emphasis?

I graduated in the winter of 2008 after eleven semesters, several of which involved me failing German and/or math. I started off as a Music major, but wanted to not be able to find a job in a different way, so I switched to English after someone halfheartedly complimented my writing.

2) Where are you now, and what are you doing?

I live in Hazel Green, about twenty minutes from Platteville and about ten minutes from my hometown. I like it here. The population is about 1100. I'm willing to leave, but someone has to give me a good reason. I pay $270 a month, everything included, to live in a huge room in the nicely furnished basement of my buddy Wilson's house. My parents live on an old, inactive farm and I drive there once a week to eat lunch with mom and check my mail. Paperwork is the worst, so I never officially changed my address; or went to grad school. Have you seen those forms? I'd rather be a janitor.

3) Could you tell us a little about the paths you’ve traveled since you graduated?

I'm a janitor.

4) What are a couple of your favorite memories of your time at UW-Platteville?

Nothing fit to print, either for general salaciousness or standard college experience spiel. I met a lot of interesting people, some of whom I actually liked as people and an even smaller fraction of whom actually were good people.

5) Was there something you had to do here which you felt was a waste of time?

I hyper-focused on creative writing to the point that all the math and science classes I had to take ended up being fairly useless. I understand that the math and science themselves weren't nearly as important as learning how to follow procedures and coming to logical, method-based conclusions, but I would have rather just cut my losses and dealt with the problems that come with being an illogical goof: twenty minutes to make a sandwich, all day to run two errands in close proximity, a lifetime to rid myself of overwhelming dread.

6) Is there a class or classes that you wish now you could have taken, but didn’t? If so, why?

I spent five-and-a-half years as an undergrad. If there was a class I wanted to take and didn't, it was probably because it counted for more than one graduation requirement and it was full by the time I got around to registering for classes the week classes start.

7) Can you tell us about one or two high points of your life since you’ve graduated?

I didn't get married or have kids and it's awesome. I listen to Motörhead as loud as I want, whenever I want. If that sounds like something a fifteen year old kid would say, that's probably because it's all I've ever really wanted since I was fifteen.

8) Do you still write? Can we follow up and interview you for our writing blog later on?

I totally still write. My first book, the short short story collection Shake Away These Constant Days, just came out on Jersey Devil Press. I've had short stories, poems, essays, book reviews, and all sort of odd little one-off things (top ten lists, first lines of aborted stories) show up in print and online at places like SmokeLong Quarterly, The Faster Times, [PANK], Juked, Fractured West and a couple dozen other places of varying popularity and legitimacy. I have a website called Ryan Werner (Writes Stuff) that has links to all of this stuff, plus a really unnecessary amount of information about my writing process and progress.

9) Is there another alum you think we should contact?

Get in touch with former adjunct writer professor Sam Snoek-Brown. He's the smartest guy I've ever met, which is to say he's smarter than guys who play in bands and girls who do cocaine if it's free.